I feel irrational today.

I am sad and angry and afraid for no apparent reason.

I am afraid of a lot of things.  Not just today, but in general.

I am afraid of losing my voice, which is why I despise colds, because there's always that vague fear that I'll never get my full range back.

I am afraid of losing my words and my way with them.  I haven't written anything substantial since that one poem/song back in the fall, I've barely touched my fanfiction in over a year, and I haven't done any decent prose since that short story almost a year ago.  I feel utterly uninspired.

I am afraid of losing my friends.  I've already lost one, possibly forever, and it looks like I may lose another in the near future.  I'm far away from almost everyone I love, and I want to know why Paige wrote on everyone's wall but mine yesterday, even though I asked her a specific question several days ago.  I want to know why nobody ever calls me back.

I am afraid that the person in whom I have invested so much of my emotional sanity will suddenly change his mind about me.

I am afraid that nothing will ever be the same.

I am afraid that one day someone will sneak an illegal water gun into the movie theater and cause the Wehrenberg to stop showing Rocky Horror.

I am afraid that a freak accident will cause me to lose all the people I love.

I am afraid of the day when I will have to go to KDI and have Stew not be there.  I wish I could see people more than once or twice a year - or in some cases, for two or three or four years at a time.  I am also afraid every year that the people there won't be the people they used to be.  I am afraid that I will be different to them.

I am afraid that someday I will lost interest in all of the strange little obsesions and passions that define me.

I am afraid of my own mood swings, which used to come around only when I was PMSing; the Yaz was supposed to take care of that, and it does to some extent, but now I find myself depressed a majority of the time, and for no apparent reason.  I wonder if I have seasonal affective disorder.

I am afraid that someday the clash of cynicism and hope inside my head will drive me to bedlam.